Why I think Kill Allen Wrench sucks
- By Jeff Patch - Date: Tue, 01 Dec 2001

Here's why I think Kill Allen Wrench sucks... All you guys sing about is DRUGS!!! I doubt you actually use half of the drugs you say you do. If you do, great, nobody cares. Hell even if you had one song that was nothing about drugs, fine, but it's the same thing over, over, and over again.

You sit there and call all the girls bitches and sluts, that's not cool either. Racism? Well I do believe I heard ku klux klan once or twice in your songs, but you weren't saying any racist comments in between songs.

I do remember the first time I saw you guys, it was a free show lat X-MAS at the Barn, and you had some Nazi guy come out and say some shit in german, and talkin about Hail Hitler.

The whole "gothic" image in a punk band, that's gay.

Also, the worst thing is how when somebody says something you change it around to make fun of them.

Also at your first show I saw, your guitar player kept saying "let's get some sluts up here and show us your tits." Screw that dude, you need to respect women and maybe you'll actually find a real woman instead of some trashy girls you beg to screw you after the shows. Think of something to say that actually means something other than "shoot heroin" and you'd probably have a lot more fans.

My E-mail is jeffpatch@hotmail.com

I'm welcome to any flames that you or others want to send me.

- The response -

Devil Vision Motion Picture Company Records attorney:Saul Leibowitz

Jeff... why are you such a little bitch? I know that Punk Rock Super Group KILL ALLEN WRENCH is a little too much for you to comprehend, but grow up. I know that you're one of those little chumps that are trying to impress girls by being 'compassionate' and 'understanding', but got you are such a little fag.

The next time Kill Allen Wrench plays a show in your town, why don't you get high, steal you parents car and come down and party with some people that have a spine. And just in case you're curious; every member of Kill Allen Wrench are HETEROSEXUAL. I know that ruins it for you, because you've probably come home every day after school and spent every night sniffing glue, jacking off and listening to Judas Priest records.

You need to get a spine boy. And don't forget STRAIGHT EDGE = HOMOSEXUALITY
I hope your parents are able to accept you for who you are gay boy.

Detective Jack Mehan had this to say about the web sight:

Recently my grandfather was feeling ill. Due to his condition any type of physical activity was out of the question. I did what most grandsons would do, I bought him a computer. Hey I had to unload some cash so why not buy the most important person in my life a connection to the outside world.

Needless to say he took to the internet. Never believe that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks!!!!! Grandpa used to love working on cars, he is very handy and was a mechanic for over 40 years. What does this have to do with you? It's simple, grandpa did a search for "wrenches" and somehow or other your internet site came up. Grandpa called me immediately.

I have never as a christian been so offended. We are God fearing people so I will try to address you out of the love of the Son of Light, Jesus Christ, the opposite of your current ruler. Satan. I realize that Satan seems fun.

I realize that to today's youth Jesus seems like some guy made up by a bunch of money hungry, power hungry church leaders in the early parts of this century in order to wrestle power away from rome and scare people into cathedrals. OUR Lords message is clear however. The very people who invented christianity for money and assembled the bible, didn't read it!!

Son, the message for salvation is clear, you need to be saved, stop offending us!!!!! I realize that many people have been ruthlessly murdered to get the message of the love of Christ throughout the world but that was history do not try to compete with the blitzkrieg of the holy spirit.

What you are attempting, if it is some sort of evangelical satanic recruiting, is no match for the absolute, blitzkrieg, almost nazilike power of the Word of God. Son you need to get on your knees and pray for the love of Christ to wipe out your sinful past and embrace your true calling as a minister of the word.

Grandpa was so touched by your website that he has asked me to contact you and say thank you for reinstating his faith in Our Lord!! Your Lord!!! The one who brought love through mass destruction of cultures, backward cultures who thougt they had the answer. You are lost but grandpa think that he can save you. Please give my old tired grandpa a chance. Better yet give my old tired Jesus a chance. That's right, Grandpa as well as the Lord loves you. Consider the possibility of hell and turn to grandpa and Jesus!!!!!

sincerly Jack Mehan

p.s. I see you practice judo.. Think of god as the ultimate fighter. subduing lesser opponents through the fear of everlasting love, the number one headllock. Once he get's you in his grasp you can never get out. Not like wimpy satan whose technique is old and untried. Step into the octagan of jesus. Walk out a winner. not a sinner.

- The response -

Devil Vision Motion Picture Company Records attorney:Saul Leibowitz

Jack ... First of all, don't write us and try to act like you're a law enforcement officer. We both know that you're not.

Second of all, don't try and get all upity with that 'grandpa' crap. If he was on the Kill Allen Wrench web site, it wasn't because he did a search for 'tools'. He was probably jacking to some high quailty Kill Allen Wrench PORN, and got busted by the wife. And there's nothing wrong with that. We here at Devil Vision M.P.C.R. know that sometimes you have to blame your slut-searching on someone else in order not to be busted.

Last of all; all this jesus stuff. What's the deal with that? We all know that Allen Wrench pulls way more chicks than jesus.

You might think that jesus saves, but Allen Wrench will get you high.